


Malcolm Explains It All

by Erikthonius



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alternative Sexuality, Gender Issues, Other, aro-ace character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 15:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16121687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erikthonius/pseuds/Erikthonius
Summary: Welcome to Camp Half Blood.  Meet Malcolm and his survey.





	Malcolm Explains It All

**Author's Note:**

> Camp Half Blood is a safe space. That is if you ignore the lava wall, the monster attacks, and the occasional sight of Mr. D. in a wife beater.

Hi. I’m Malcolm. Malcolm Pace. Now that you’ve settled into Camp Half Blood, I’m doing an ongoing survey, and, if you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you some questions. You don’t have to answer any of them, and if at any time you don’t feel comfortable, I will stop the process. I ask you to answer honestly and to the best of your ability, and all responses will be kept strictly confidential. I swear this on the River Styx.

No, I don’t mind if you ask me any questions; if you’re more comfortable, you’ll probably be willing to answer questions more openly. My mother is Athena. Just so you know going forward, if you see a camper with grey eyes, they’re definitely one of Athena’s children. My father’s name? No, I don’t have a father. My mortal parent is Josephine Pace, the renowned mathematician. Yes, sometimes that happens. Athena doesn’t really care about the gender of the person she gives a child to; she’s more concerned with the person’s intellect. I know that in the Apollo cabin, that also happens sometimes. No, I can’t tell you who, confidentiality, you know, but they are pretty open in that cabin, so if you’re curious, you can just ask them.

Okay, first, Chiron wants me to ask if you’ve had the TALK. You don’t know what that is, so logically, you haven’t had it. I can give you a quick version of it. It’s about gender and sexuality, so if you’re not comfortable… okay so you’re fine with it. Here we go: Here at Camp Half Blood, we want you to feel safe to be yourself, and that means that all genders and orientations are welcome. You can keep whatever beliefs you have about that, but bullying and shaming based on gender and orientation are not allowed. If you feel that someone is violating that, officially you can tell either Chiron or Mr. D. Unofficially, I don’t recommend telling Mr. D. He overreacts. He’s not just the god of wine; he’s also the god of all gender and sexual minorities, and he’s been known to turn transphobes into acorns. No, I don’t know why acorns. As far as homophobes, the Ares cabin usually takes care of that. It started with Clarisse. She graduated last year, so you might never meet her, but she is a serious badass. She just announced one day that “I will personally pound anyone who hassles my gays.” I don’t know why she did it, but when Sherman took over Ares after her, he said the policy stands, and it covers lesbians and bis. I don’t know why they do it, but it’s pretty cool. 

First question, have you been claimed? Well, not to worry, your godly parent will probably do that soon. Since the Giant War, they’ve been pretty good about it, all except Apollo for obvious reasons. So you want me to answer the questions first? Okay, if it makes you feel at ease, I have nothing to hide. As I said, my godly parent is Athena. You think that’s cool? Wow, usually we get the eye-rolls and the loser-nerd sign. I won’t lie. I’ve embraced my inner nerd. Yes, I can quote every line of Nova; I can rate every one of the Doctor’s regenerations; I can sing the “Elements” song from memory; in fact I’ve added a verse including all the ones discovered after Lehrer first performed the song in 1959.

Next question, gender. Yes there’s more than just male and female. Apparently Facebook is now allowing 56 genders. They have a bit of catching up to do. At present we have 73, no, wait, Lou Ellen told me it’s up to 75. Yeah, the Hecate cabin tends to be in the forefront of pushing those frontiers. It makes sense, you know. Hecate is all about intersections and new pathways. You see that next line? That’s if your dream-self is a different gender from your waking-self. Yeah, not everybody has a distinct dream-self. That’s more common among the Hecate, Morpheus, and Hypnos cabins. I wouldn’t be surprised if Nico has a separate dream-self; that boy is scary good at dream travel. Oh by the way, if I mention a camper by name, that camper has given me a written release.

You want to think about the gender question? Good, thinking more is good. Yeah, I know, I sound like an Athena camper when I say that. By the way, you’re always welcome to come back and revise your answers. I’m actually tracking how many campers do that, because that can mean that your gender is evolving, which is pretty cool. Oh, yeah, I identify as cis-male, but I do question it sometimes.

That reminds me, as I do this survey, I like to (well Chiron told me to, but I’m glad to do it) give out information as I do the survey. You know, support groups, resources, that kind of stuff. If you want to transition, you have a couple of options. If you want to start with just presenting your true gender, go to the Aphrodite cabin. They have a whole program for that, and you’ll end up looking great. On a personal note, you might want to avoid Drew. Oh, you’ve already been warned? Good. If you’re questioning and want to really experience what it feels like, but you’re not sure, the Hecate cabin can give you a glamour that makes you really feel like you are whichever gender you want to be, but sometimes they can be a little, how do I say this? A little too much. As you get to know them, you’ll see what I mean. Now if you want to do a full, permanent transition, you have two choices. The Apollo cabin can do the surgeries, or you can appeal to Mr. D to transform you. Like I said, he is the god of transgender people, but remember, be careful what you ask a god for.

So, you’re happy with that gender identity for now? Good. Now on to orientation. Not sure? That’s fine, this might all be new to you. As with gender, you’re always welcome to come back if you want to update your answer. You can always discover new things about yourself. Yes, that’s also a multi-part question. You might find that you’re attracted one way romantically and another way physically. Me? I identify as aro-ace. In some ways I feel like it helps me be more analytical about this, but I know that the data needs to be examined from as many viewpoints as possible, so I’m grateful for my siblings’ input. You’re not familiar with all these terms? Okay, here’s a list of definitions. Yeah, that is a lot to read, but remember, if your dyslexia gets in the way, the Hephaestus cabin has some automatons that can read it to you; Leo Valdez made them for us before he and Calypso took off for the Midwest. Just be warned, the voice settings are very much to his taste. You’ll see what I mean. You’ll love the Coach Hedge meets Darth Vader voice.

I guess the one thing I can’t stress too much is that you shouldn’t worry about what your orientation is. They are all valid, even the ones we haven’t necessarily listed here. I will say that the worst thing is trying to deny what you are to yourself. I’m sorry, that’s not something that I’ve proven; it’s just something I’ve experienced. A few other campers have told me the same thing, but most of them haven’t given me permission to release their names. Well, Nico Di Angelo has. In fact I asked him if he’d be willing to give a talk about that. No, he didn’t respond well. Let’s just say it’s surprising how many bones there are in the ground near the dining pavilion.

Oh, that light? That’s your godly parent claiming you. Congratulations! We can finish the survey later. Right now, let’s go tell Chiron the good news and then introduce you to your new siblings.


End file.
